15 February 2012

Don't Know Much About History - And Clearly Not Trying Very Hard To

I heard this song and was a little bit irritated. In the bridge, the singer claims that he is attempting to be an A student in order to win the love of a woman he admires.

I don't have a problem with the basic premise of the song. Academic effort is admirable, and if romantic interest can inspire it, all the better.

What annoys me is that, immediately after declaring his intent to excel in academics, he goes right back to bemoaning his lack of knowledge regarding mathematics, language, and most of the physical and social sciences.

Earth to Sam Cooke (and Herman's Hermits, Art Garfunkel, and anyone else singing this song): you need to start showing some progress or your strategy isn't going to work. Unless your desired woman is as utterly feeble-minded as you, she is just going to say, "Hm. So I guess the whole 'A-Student' thing isn't really working out for you."

The final part of the song should showcase some of the things you have learned in your efforts to be worthy of her love. Things like the Pythagorean Theorem, the importance of Jackson Pollock in modern painting, and the capital of Cambodia (Phnom Penh, in case you're curious - though it has had many other capitals, including Udong and Angkor).

Seriously, you'd better get studying, bro, or the chess nerds are going to beat you at your own (pitifully uninventive) game.