Exodus 33:7-11

 O God, I want to be like Moses,
Face-to-face, firstname, in Your very presence.

But if I can't, then let me be like young Joshua,

Who couldn't leave the doorway of the tent

So long as You were inside.

Let me long for You

And seek Your face,

Knowing the veil has been

Permanently, irrevocably torn

And that those who seek You

Will surely find you

And those who draw near

Will find themselves

In Your sudden, startling glory.

Exodus 33:1-6

 Let me prefer a life

Of hardship and struggle

But with Your presence near

Over a land of milk and honey

Cleared out by Your destroying angel

But deprived of Your Emmanuel.

Let me mourn in Your absence,

Casting off worthless little

Worldly baubles and distractions,

Longing for a truer wealth:

Your pillar of fire,

Your pillar of cloud,

Your moment-to-moment sustenance,

Heavenly bread,

Water from the riven Rock.

Repentance

 Here in a land of terraced fields

And hilltop churches,

I forgot You yesterday

And lived for a while

In the smelly old corpse

Of a Me I haven't been in years,

A Me that is as dead

As death itself,

That will never be raised again.

Thank You for the disgust,

The distaste

And sorrow

And regret

That attend the appearance

Of my Smelly Old Man,

But let me leave them

Atop his grave,

Where they belong,

As I walk into the freshness

Of this undiscovered country

Whose verdant foothills stretch

With welcome before me. 

Reflections on Exodus 19

bring to mind, o lord, your deliverance
and the great compassion you've had on me.
in my distress you gave peace
in my darkness your light shone
in my loneliness, your arms embraced me
in my despair, you have always been 
my sure salvation.

you've delivered me from my foes
and borne me on eagles' wings
into a fair and fertile land
you've ordained me as a priest,
a divine bridgebuilder, 
peacebringer,
lightbearer.

you come in a thick cloud,
showing your might and glory,
revealed yourself clearer than i've ever seen,
standing on a sky-blue glass platform,
and i took in your goodness
like food and drink.

with the trickster's children, i proclaim:
all that the lord has spoken, i will do!
and i'm really, truly, 99% sure i mean it.

deliver me o lord from the fear 
of being blinded by your glory
of being deafened by your thundervoice,
of being utterly consumed in your presence
deliver me from forgetfulness
apathy
boredom
fear of the unknown future

i know who delivered me 

from egypt's slavery
let not 40 days 

and 40 nights
of hungry silence
drive me to a false
but culturally relevant
lover.

keep me close, o lord, 
to the covenant.
immerse me daily
in its holy
furious
consuming
blood.

Psalm 90: Reflections on the Death of a Church

For all our days have declined in Your fury; we have finished our years with a sigh.
- Psalm 90:9

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" 

O Lord, we've come to the ending of an era, a ministry, and a dream. Eternally, it's a blip. To us, though, it is a change of great significance. It grieves us, brings us uncertainty, and casts a fear-shadow over us.

We know our Jesus has walked through grief like this, and so we thank You that we may join in the fellowship of His suffering. We know that this circumstance does not surprise You, and we trust that You will use it to grow Your kingdom in exciting ways over the days, months, and years ahead.

As our prayer has been all through this process, so we repeat it this morning. May Your will be done on earth and in this fellowship as it is done in Heaven. 

When we reach the human ends of things, we see them expire with a sigh, or as one of our poets says, with a whimper. We know Your work is not like this; Your word does not return void and you continue Your labor in us unbroken until the glorious day of Christ Jesus. We thank You that You deal in shouts, not whimpers. 

With the Psalmist, we ask for your work in us:

O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days...
Let Your work appear to Your servants
And Your majesty to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm for us the work of our hands;
Yes, confirm the work of our hands. 
Psalm 90:14, 16-17

Thank You, O Lord, that while this is an ending, it is not the end, and it is no lifeless whimper.