Well, I'm not going to be a PhD student in the fall after all. Got the letter this morning.
Still reeling a little bit, so I've been off-balance all day. It's shocking how hard it is to teach a class when teaching has suddenly become little more than a way to pay the bills until May.
I went to the graduate student meeting after my classes were done, although now I wonder why I went. Suddenly, I don't really want to be involved too much with these people who are going on further into academics. I don't want to hear about committees and new hires. I just want to get a job and move on with my life.
I'm wondering a lot of things: what went wrong with my application, where I'll be in six months, how I'll find a job with a master's in English, for crying out loud, and how I'm going to manage not teaching for the rest of my life.
Two things remain stable: I am faulty, and I am forgiven. God help me if I lose sight of those facts.